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I am frequently asked by my early readers how I achieved the narrative voice used in "Mayhem at the Mill". Medieval speech, turns of phrase, and manners of address are not natural to me, afterall. The answer is somewhat complex. However, as a debut author, I have endeavored to keep track of the process at which I finally arrived. I look forward eagerly (but with some dread as well) to assistance by an experienced editor prior to publication. That said, I thought I'd share some notes on the techniques I have discovered thus far.
STORY First and foremost, have a story in your heart. This trumps all else. No matter how well-crafted, if a passage you are writing doesn't serve the telling of your tale, ruthlessly remove it, root and branch. top WHAT'S IN A NAME? The bard's character, Romeo, once posed this query in his famous solilloqy. What indeed? As the cast was large for my novel, I initially used a random name generator. There are many such available online. It required some surfing on my part to arrive at the best and most suitable of these for my requirements. When I needed to establish a group of new characters such as the six knights in residence, I would refine my search and then generate several dozen candidate names. I would select from among these working names for the characters in question. I tracked these on a spreadsheet of dramatis personae, but left them subject to change or reassignment should I need to alter them later. I don't burden the reader by naming every person encountered, but it's handy to have them around should a person need to be addressed. Whereas Trenton tends to refer to people as 'the man' or 'the equerry', Lady Megan often addresses the castle denizens by name. For many of these, I even created back-stories that never come up directly in the writing. This often takes dialogues with them in unexpected directions which I think the readers will find refreshing. For example, when Megan tells Lucas: "I’m sorry to have startled you so. There is a purpose to my ploy, Lucas,” she said with a final hiccuping sniffle. Tomas will now put the word all about and you shall soon have free run of the castle. You’ll see; it’s all part of the game called etiquette."she is referring to the fact that the guardsman, Tomas Parker, is a well-known gossip. When Tilda earlier called Lucas a 'nosey Parker,' it is this fellow she was referencing. Later on, Lucas has learned to get the scoop from Tomas about what's going on at the keep. The reader will probably never put this all together, but it flavors the dialogues and can add a sense of depth to personal interactions. Some names I selected specifically for effect. Gregor Cain was the first of these. I wanted his surname to be a bit foreboding, as in 'bearing the mark of Cain'. You'll see why in the chapter entitled: 'The Butcher.' Another example of careful name selection was the artillator, Javier Lewis. I wanted to denote his foreign origins in the dutchy of Freemark to the south. I thought a Spanish-sounding given name would work nicely. The name of Megan's handmaid, Constance, was also selected to emphasize her personality. Also, each time I wrote a passage that included descriptive text about a person, either physical or their mannerisms, I would update my spreadsheet to remain consistent. top VOICE Your characters, and especially your narrator(s), should each have a distinct voice of their very own. I spent quite a bit of time ruminating on this each time I introduced a new character. The most difficult for me was Lady Megan. She narrates a later chapter, and it took me about a week before I could change from my default (by then) Lucas voice to that of an adolescent, noble, female empath. Her speech and internal musings are littered with terms like 'truly', 'aught', 'fraught' and 'appalling'. But more than simple tricks of speech, her outlook and motivations had to be carefuly considered when preparing her narrative. Megan can sense the mood of others and strives always to help those in distress. She literally cannot remain indifferent to the suffering of others. In this, she is somewhat of a character foil for Royland, whose similar gift instead turns him inward. One can only suppose that it helped to have her father as a mentor. Trenton's inner voice in 'The Squire' was a joy to write. It was almost a continuous rant and outpouring of negatively charged words until near the chapter's ending. Each time the fellow would start to settle down, it seemed that something would poke him in the eye and set him off again. His inner monologue reflected insecurity by posing himself questions ('Had I not this?', and 'Did she not that?') rather than issuing statements. In writing Trenton, and Lord Westarbor to a lesser degree, I also struggled with his noble station. In dialogue, I tend to say please and thank you and ask questions, whereas these fellows issue commands. Catch phrases, when not overused, are also very helpful to distinguish the speaker and to achieve other effects. When the witch, posing as Lucas, says: 'I've got this' to Master Chadwick, the reader should be horrified by the depth of her deception. Other distinguishing catch phrases include Uncle Robert's ascribing quotes to himself ('say I'), or the Cains' use of 'cited' rather than 'said'. The latter effect helps to give the family an odd country-bumpkinish flavor, their divergence of speech arising from their long isolation. Another of Lucas' catch phrases present only in his inner monologue is: 'It could be worse, blah blah blah...' denoting his constant struggle when in stress to remain optimistic. This lends some humor to the climax of the novel with: It could be worse, I thought . . . No; it could be no worse than this.Lastly, I found that when writing them, some characters would seek out their own voices. The baron in particular morphed as I was writing him, changing from the 'firm but fair' cutout with which I began into the devious and yet upright dreamer he became. This evolved organically during the course of the writing, so I just went with it. top ALLITERATION Who doesn't like a good tongue-twister? But seriously, when trying to keep an internal monologue flowing, it rarely hurts to try to infuse some well-matched sounds. Over-alliteration can especially add a touch of humor to a narrative. Phrases such as 'Megan's handmaidens' are better delivered as 'Megan's minions' or even 'Megan's merry maids', depending on the context. Usually, alliteration comes up when one is seeking a good descriptive adjective or adverb. I find that when all else is equal, it's usually best to choose the one with the similar sound. As with anything, however, this can be overdone. Alliteration is especially effective when there's a nice rhythm to the phrase as well. Here are a few of my most egregious examples from the book: All the while, the busy bakers themselves suffered the sultry singe of summer without relief in the relentless radiance of their own ovens. When I was almost at the limit of my endurance, the citizens I was supporting rather suddenly ceased to signal. He interlaced his fingers over the crown of his cane as he sat on the stool beside my bed . . .Alright, I'll quit beating that drum. Love it or leave it, I find that like all our other tools, such phrasing can be used to good effect. top TURN OF PHRASE For the most part, I shunned uses such as 'thee' and 'thou' in my quest for a knightly voice. I think Trenton makes only a single use of the former near the end: “Have at thee then!” he roared, daring the witch to respond.This was a special case. I do use some odd words, especially in Trenton's case, but by and large, I write my initial drafts in modern English without adornment. The powerful Scrivener find and replace feature let me make some very subtle modifications. I'll give you a few examples but won't give up all of my best tricks. I cannot emphasize enough the uses of a good simile in painting a picture for the reader. Elsa's 'chicken walk' evokes a striking image, and is useful to the plot as well in 'The Equerry.' Lucas' internal monologue is fraught with similes which say as much about him and his upbringing as they do about the subjects in question: If memory served, getting satisfying answers from Javier when he was working would be like trying to pull a recalcitrant ram away from a bucket of corn.This simply states the problem at hand, helps to drive the action, and serves to remind the reader of Lucas' recent stint at Fowler Ranch. Likewise, metaphors, both immediate and extended have a plesant effect upon the discerning reader. The description of Gerard Keaton's overused scroll is an example of the former: Gerrard began marking it down, then frowned at his scroll. The wretched thing had notes and figures scrawled all over its margins both front and back. It was a palimpsest I would be loath to decrypt.On extended metaphors, several good examples occur in 'The Squire.' When Trenton is describing the process of training Tempest to be a warhorse and how a grey steed's coat gradually lightens until it might be 'deemed white,' its actually a sideways reference to Trenton's own training to be a knight, and how the code of chivalry will help him to eventually achieve the purity of spirit that Sir Declan possesses. The weather that day is also a metaphor for Trenton's stormy mood. When he slows down and begins to consider the code: Overhead, the sky had begun to clear. Though still heavily overcast, here and there a sun ray pierced the low-lying mass of gray gloom, shedding its glory upon patches of distant landscape. The fresh air of the outdoors and the steady rhythm of hoof beats combined to lull me into a more contemplative frame of mind.top FLAVOR WORDS Flavor words can give your writing more punch and pizzaz. For example, in writing 'The Shepherd,' I found myself overusing the word 'spider' and even 'arachnid.' To ameliorate this and to give my writings a bit more flair, I decided to name the monstrous creatures with a bit more originality. I sought about in the scientific classifications of various trapdoor spiders and arrived at Mygalom for my new beastie. In the middle ages, the fellow who bears proclamations throughout the land were known as 'heralds.' I decided to deviate from this and call them 'harkers' in the novel, again to add a bit of zip. Also, whenever I desired to use a well-worn phrase such as: 'you could have heard a pin drop', 'horse of a different color', or 'waiting for the other shoe to drop', I would instead take the time to puzzle out a different quip. I felt I owed my readers more than these tired old saws. One special flavor word that I caught onto early was : 'good.' Usually when I'm writing, I find that I can almost always replace 'good' with a more descriptive and engaging word such as 'pleasant', 'kind' or 'tasty.' However, I just love to use it to flavor medieval dialogue. 'The people of Meadowfork', or 'our liege' are ever so much more lively as: 'The good people of Meadowfork' or 'our good liege.' This archaic usage helps to transport us back to the days of yore! top ANACHRONISMS Sometimes, my mind just could not conceive of things in the pre-modern era. The best example of this is how pervasive gunpowder has been to the English language. Many times as I reviewed a fresh section I had written, I would come across a reference to Lucas 'firing' his bow. I learned to just accept the temporal incongruity so as not to stifle the creative process. Later, I would globally replace all such references. One 'fires' a gun, but one 'looses' an arrow. I believe I finally put this goblin to rest, but left two in - one for its descriptive value, and one for its humor. I believe the reader will forgive me these lapses. They are: He made his way into the keep with his back held ramrod straight pursued by a chorus of lowing.(no canon - no ramrod) and “You two need to get out of the line of fire as we discussed,” said our master with a minuscule upward twitch of his lips at what I suspected was an unintentional pun.(line of fire refers to firearms) Many similar anachronisms were avoided. 'Lock, stock and barrel' became 'Land, stock and buildings,' for example. top FORESHADOWING Few things stoke the reader's interest more than ominous portents of what is to come. When done right, this can build anticipation without giving too much away. As Lucas is narrating in the past tense, the reader assumes that he will survive whatever ordeals are vexing him. The same cannot be said for all of those around him. And heartless as it may be, if you kill a few characters off, you'll be all the more believable. The reader will sit up and pay attention when foreshadowing occurs. Lucas often warns the reader when things are going to go amiss, beginning right in the first chapter. It was a gorgeous start to the day, belying the hardships that were to come.The reader soon learns to trust this, and it heightens their apprehension when he offers them further dire warnings and predictions. One of my favorites is this chestnut from 'The Candlestick Maker': So, bidding them a goodnight, I returned to our rooms eagerly anticipating a happy reunion with my soft mattress and bedspread therein. Little did I know then that when I sank into my bed that eve, it would not be as I envisioned.I like this one due to the humor it arouses when/if the reader finally understands what he meant by it. top DESCRIPTION Sometimes the absence of description is desired. I was asked by my first reader (A niece-in-law who wanted to read it for a book report), 'What does Lucas look like?' It's true that I consciously avoided ever describing him directly apart from his height. I wished that my answer could have been 'He looks like you.' You see, I wanted Lucas to be an 'everyman' so that my readers could strongly identify with him. Sadly, I had to assign him at the very least a gender. I didn't feel up to the task of operating completely without pronouns (useful little buggers sometimes), and a person's role and place in life were very circumscribed by his of her gender back in the middle ages. Though most of the names used in "Mayhem at the Mill" have a distictly European flavor, and some characters are described as having blue eyes or fair skin, Lucas and his father could be of most any skin tone or body type. As far as settings go, I often thought of it as 'painting the barony' - a brush stroke here, a brush stroke there. In the first chapter, I spent a fair amount of time describing the mill and its surrounds and workings. This is because I intended great things for that mill in later chapters and needed to make sure the reader had a working knowledge of some of the terms. By the chapters end, the reader should have a good mental image of that mill and its relation to the keep and the pond and know for example what a mill race is. This is key to the the story's thrilling climax. (Refer to the topic 'STORY' above) More usually, I preferred to describe a scene indirectly by focusing on a single element, placing it in relation to other things, and allowing the readers imagination to fill in the gaps. The first time we visit the stables, we don't describe much but the mat of hay at its door, a lantern, and Trenton's horse. Entering the stables, I stomped the mud from my boots on a thick mat of hay thrown down for the purpose. In my haste, I had neglected to wear my cloak, and though the rain had subsided, a chill mist still hung in the air and clung in droplets to my armor. A single lantern lit the stable. It hung about midway down the long double-row of stalls. Its dim glow barely augmented the pale light let in from the overcast sky, and it flickered irregularly.I thought this very effectively set the mood (far more important than Trenton's physical whereabouts) and managed to bring a stable into being. Notice too that it touches upon senses other than sight. I could almost smell that hay and feel that wet chill. We even got a weather report and the movement of air from that flickering lantern. Doubtless, there are many dos and don'ts in description and I am hardly an expert as yet. I would simply recommend that you have a purpose for your descriptive text driven by the story's needs. Moreover, describe what is seen by all means, but don't neglect the other senses. top TOOLS Wow. Where to begin? I started writing with a bunch of notepad files all in a directory along with a spreadsheet of characters, a time line, and an online thesaurus. The files multiplied until I was floundering and finally coughed up the small fee to buy Scrivener, a wonderful full-service writing project tool by Literature Latte. Though I typed everything into Scrivener, I found that some of my best and most creative writing occured via pencil on a clipboard Luanne had bought me at the dollar store. I carried it everywhere with me for five months. Initially, this was just to capture ideas that would suddenly occur or an epiphany on a turn of phrase. But I soon found that I liked knocking off ten pages of writing thus without worrying overmuch about my phrasing. Then, as I typed it into Scrivener, I would refine and improve. Next, each completed section was run through a series of online grammar checkers and graded word counters. I even had to run each through a white space remover. You see, as an older gentleman, I first learned to type on manual and early electric typewriters using Kate Turabian's standards. As a result of this, and despite a thirty plus year career in information technology, I still to this day habitually double-space after a period. Here are links to some of the nicer online checkers I discovered. Each of these links will open in a new tab or window: Punctuation remained a problem. I found I had to go back to school about how single and double quotes were used by the printing industry. For example, at the end of a sentence, there are specific rules about placing the period before the end quotes for the American print press. This was initially true because the type setters needed to brace the skinny little period (.) with the wider quote mark (") when assembling the physical type blocks. Now that printing is accomplished electronically, this point is moot, and Europe has moved on to the more sensible standard of (".). In the United States, however, you still have to make sure they're all (."), despite how it may look. *sigh*. Other special rules involving commas, question marks and exclamation points all had to be reviewed as well. I thought fondly more than once of Ms. Burktold, my high-school English teacher who had pounded most of this into my head years ago and rendered this excercise into a mere review. Using 'Scrivener', I was able to globally seek out and destroy flaws of this type with reasonable certainty. While writing, I found I had to budget my words. One article I read put it this way: Novel (50,000 -110,000 words): Most print publishers prefer a minimum word count of around 70,000 words for a first novel, and some even hesitate for any work shorter than 80,000. Yet any piece of fiction climbing over the 110,000 word mark also tends to give editors some pause.Fortunately, Scrivener automatically counts the words for you as you go. At first worried about making the minimum, I quickly found I had the opposite problem. As my wordcount grew at about 1,000 per day on average, I kept finding the story needed a little more room to fully tell. I was by this time in love with the story and loath to wound it by reduction. It ended up at 114,000 beautiful words. After making a print copy of the novel, I had to scour it repeatedly for flaws. Spell and grammar checkers will only take one so far. They only laugh at you when you type 'of' instead of 'or.' I found that investing in an ink tank printer was valuable at this point. It's been running for a full year now and is only beginning to need a new charge of black ink. This despite printing many manuscript revisions. It is my considered opinion, however, that the best tool in which I have invested is my Kindle Mark 10 with bluetooth capability. It turns out I can read a passage 50 times without catching a fairly obvious flaw. My eyes simply pass straight over the errant type and my brain perceives what should be there. The mechanical voice of audio Kindle, however, remains relentlessly true to the printed word and has enabled me to at last root out the little gremlins that had plagued my work. Listening carefully has even allowed me to perceive awkward phraseology and rhythms within the text. Anyway, I hope this short treatise on tools in helpful to some aspiring young writer out there! top THEMES Despite its overall light tone and suitableness for younger readers, there are many serious topics touched upon in "Mayhem at the Mill". The onset of old age, social inequity, deadly diseases, PTSD, neurodiversity (of a sort), and rape trauma syndrome are but a few. How the characters cope with these and help one another to suffer through them is one of the key themes of the book. Possibly the greatest theme put forward is that of heroism. As a youth, I was very serious and studious. I was also a tad quick-tempered and humorless. I read hard science fiction such as "Dune" and Isaac Asimov's "Foundation" series. I thought of fantasy writing as being all elves and faeries and having very little substance or meaning. One exception to this was C.S. Lewis' "Chronicles of Narnia," which seemed to have some more profound underpinnings. When I was in high-school a personal tragedy caused me to step back and gain some perspective on life. I developed humor largely as a defense mechanism, and my love of music for its calming effects and way of expressing truths deepened. It was at this time that my tastes in literature changed to include fantasy. I recall reading J.R.R. Tolkein's "Lord of the Rings," and loving how the little nobody had the stoutest heart of all. Frodo disappointed me in the end. I remember thinking: 'after going through all of that and seeing firsthand that the thing is evil, he succumbs in the end? When I write MY novel, the hero will find the gravitas within to RESIST such a thing even if it kills him.' I have often wondered since whether gollum really fell, or if a tiny remaining shred of decency within caused him to jump to resolve the dilema posed by the ring's irresistable power. Perhaps he was the true hero I sought. If you should read "Mayhem at the Mill" to its conclusion, place a comment on this site and let me know how I did. top |
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